Sunday, 1 July 2012

I Must Be Going

It´s the most wonderful time of the year. Birds sing, tractors cut and bale and thresh, dogs chase hares across the stubble in the most beautiful ways. We have plans, we have pilgrims, we have Moorish Whores now available in paperback.

But that´s not enough to keep me here.
Alas, after a long time wondering how to admit to it, I must let you know: I am unwell. You will likely be seeing less of me in coming days.

I am not dying! I am only on my way into a depression. It may seem I am simply going with the flow of economies and politics and the well-being of the entire civilized world, but I assure you a depression is a very personal thing, isolated and isolating. I have had them before. I know the signs. I know a depression is an immutable force that will not be denied.

They are very unpleasant sometimes. Other times they are full of revelations and sparks and wisdom, gold nuggets that glint among the tons of wet gray gravel. I have been through depressions before, and survived. I do not intend to fight this one off. I will let myself experience it fully, hopefully without stupefying medicine or insanely priced "counseling."

The Peaceable will go on hosting travelers. I will keep writing, but not here so often. I am withdrawing from hospitalero training, guidebook projects, and volunteer work that takes me away from home -- things that have been withdrawing from me for a year or more now. I will perhaps find other ways of being useful in the meantime.

Consider this a retreat. A stay at the Sanitarium, a curling-up into the coccoon. I am embarking on a dark journey to a known place. I am counting on your prayers to light my way.

I will be back on the blog now and then, I promise -- I don´t know how long I will be. Don´t wait up for me. 

19 comments:

Ryan Reichert said...

Buen camino, Reb. I won't pretend to fully understand what this means to you, but I think I can relate a little bit—if it feels right, go with it, and we'll keep you in our thoughts, and look forward to hearing from you. Much love.

Sil said...

YOU are the one who matters Reb: look after YOU. And remember that YOU matter to all of us peregrinos and 'Moratinos' readers.
You have been there before. That doesn't mean that it is any easier to go there again but, it does mean that you have come through it, and that you can come through it again - and you will; because you are strong. Suerte - sea feliz.

strangerthanfiction said...

You've just had a major achievement. This rebound is understandable, and it sounds like you understand yourself very well. Peace be upon you.

Miriam said...

You are in my prayers

sagalouts said...

not one for prayers Reb,but if I was my first prayer would be for you.

andrew said...

Hi Rebekah, I've been in a similar situation and found the people at Fhu.com had an answer.
All the best, Andrew from spanishfootsteps.blogspot.co.uk

Jean Dégrange said...

And it's all for the best. It's a hell of a sickness but you still do something about it.
I think you're cool.

ksam said...

Candle lit, prayers said. Now only the quiet, hopeful waiting for you. When you are ready and able. Peace peregrina. We'll still be here...waiting for you. The one and only!

Davy Sturtevant said...

You have been loved,
You are loved,
You will be loved.

I still remember a conversation from '79 when you told me about this having happened previously. Can't tell you anything you don't know about it already. Just that you've survived it before. And I trust you will do so again.

message me an address so I can procrastinate sending you a CD.

Dave

Anonymous said...

I love you, Rebekah Scott,

love, k

Anonymous said...

Best wishes Reb. As you say isolating, and for me totally, totally confusing.
Buen Camino!
(Litter picker) Keith

Kate said...

all good wishes, white light and prayers to you, Rebekah.
and maybe a little Gurrumul...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhgDqY7_RGs
a Camino aspirant & Peaceable reader, Kate from Canada

Laura said...

Take care - I know the precipice you are sliding off of. Go with it and fall gently. Prayers for a peaceful journey.
Laura

Unknown said...

Thank you for all you have done to enrich us. Ultreia! The (only) way out is through.
Kimlin

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Reb.

Do what you need to do for yourself and come back soon. The best and the brightest often experience the "black dog" during their lives.

Tom

Anonymous said...

Our love and prayers for you both
TerryB and Tia Valeria

claire said...

You will be in prayers as I go through the day.
You are very precious to me, even though I have met you personally only twice.
You're a wonderful human being.
May your journey through darkness bring you out in the warmest most delightful loving light.
You give so much to so many. It is now your time to receive.
(((((Rebekah))))

MermaidLilli said...

We will be here when you get back. May your journey be peaceful. LOVE

jungianpilgrim said...

I know the feeling well and agree that sometimes just going with the flow of a depression is the best one can do. There is a lot we learn from being inside of our own dark spaces. Buen Camino.